When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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