Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
