Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
