hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
