I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
