now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
