Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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