Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
