Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
