he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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