just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
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