I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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