What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
