We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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