That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
