He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
