I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
