don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
