That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
