You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
