I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
