Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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