and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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