There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
