I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
