I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
