How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
