tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
