he wants to bone in the snuggie
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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