Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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