Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
