i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
