I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
