she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
