so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
