No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
