I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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