They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
