I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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