So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
