So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
