Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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