Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
