normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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