Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He felt like a one man threesome
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
