apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
