OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Sacagawea was the original milf.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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