just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
