My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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