I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
farters have to be the big spoon...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
