dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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