I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
