He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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