Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
