what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
