do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
