He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
