What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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