Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
