The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
