Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I look better un-naked...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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