Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
