"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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