It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
