This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
