watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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