My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Randomize